Let's Go Get Stoned

I got a powerful reaction to my last blog (21 Questions) from a guy who characterized its tone as "desperate and confused." Of course I fired back with, "I am not desperate and I am not confused about what I want I am confused about what is happening." "Fair enough," he replied. But being the Taurus male that he is, it didn't and couldn't end there. ( F.Y.I., I am not a hokey astrology devotee but have had enough experience with Taurus men to see patterns of behavior too obvious to ignore, too fitting with the definition of a Taurus male to be attributable to anything else). What resulted was a sharp enlightening email exchange between me and said Taurus, we'll call him Alpha Taurus, which didn't alleviate any of my concerns or answer any of my questions but was interesting nontheless.

This is what precipitated it:
To: Briana
From: Alpha Taurus

good blog. desperate. confused.
remember what a weird situation you're in. precarious health. blogging the weaknesses of those who fail you. with regards to the illness. most guys like or need to think of themselves as strong, emotionally at least if not also mentally and physically. a girlfriend or wife being chronically ill is a huge test of character which lots of people fail. especially guys. and sex is a huge relationship intimacy milestone whether we want it to be or not.

Guy psychology on a regular basis isn't all that great relationship wise. a woman is far more likely to change what she's wearing three times before going to a party. but it's the guys who are far more likely to change their wives three times in their lifetime. short attention span i guess.
the solution might be very simple. take what you want when you want it. very few guys can take a hot girl's hand off their penis once its there. if you want some sex I know you can get it because I've seen you and that's sufficient sex criteria for men. beyond that you may have to rewrite genetic code. So, take it; but you run the risk of having to pay for dinner.

I responded:
To: Alpha Taurus
From: Briana
Date: Thu 4 Jan 2007 9:18PM
I need more info. Who is desparate? Who is confused? I am definitely confused re how I feel about these guys but not about what I want. 31 knows who he is. Whenever I try and apologize for using him as my example for points I want to make he blows off the apology with a, "it's your art, do whatever you need to do." Is he the one you think is the coward?


To: Briana
From: Alpha Taurus
Date: Thu 4 Jan 2007 9:27PM
i could see where you scare some people, the blog, the illness, your direct nature. not that i agree with those that might be scared. just that as i observe people, they tend to be scared. totally not fair though. the rest of your life should be made easier for you, but it doesn't look like that's the way it works.

i don't know 31 so i don't know his cowardice quotient. but you don't lose contact with a sick friend whatever the sexual status of the relationship. i think maybe you're kind of attracted to weaklings a little, which is fine, you're a bit of a dominant personality for a female.

i think i may be finished trying to understand anyone else's psychology or how it fits with mine. i've simplified. if i see what i want, i guesstimate what it would take to get it. If it looks like it's worth it, I go for it. If you want to sleep with the new year's eve guy, figure out how to get him into your house, then pounce. if you need him to feel or act a certain way towards you, that's a much harder and more complicated thing. For a guy, if she just stays still, you get 90% of what you want. if she does more, like have an orgasm, or really get into it, or fall in love with you, that's pure gravy.

This message outraged me a little. Who was he to characterize 31 as 'weak,' or tell me I am attracted to weaklings or advance the absurd proposition that men covet getting women to fall in love with them that they don't love. Isn't love on the same list with marriage and babies that makes guys run for their lives?? I was even more confused.

To: Alpha Taurus
From: Briana
Date: Thu 4 Jan 2007 9:55PM
Why would a guy want a girl to fall in love with him if he wasn't falling in love with her? Isn't that every guy's biggest fear? Isn't that why they keep their distance and run?

I am not trying to understand one specific guy's philosophy; it's men as a whole I just realized are different than what I thought. I was always a staunch believer that men and women are the same. I don't think so anymore and I also don't think I am like most women so I am wondering where the hell that leaves me besides constantly misunderstood and never getting what I want.

To: Briana
From: Alpha Taurus
Date: Thu 4 Jan 2007 10:03PM
a girl falling in love with you even though you're not in love with her. complicated, but always nice to have someone fall in love with you, just a little...not all the way.

To: Alpha Taurus
From: Briana
Date: Thu 4 Jan 2007 10:08PM
impossible to be a little bit in love. sounds good but completely impossible. and why would you want someone to be in love with you if you're not in love with them? Too much pressure; pressure to live up to who they think I am, pressure not to hurt them while making it clear that I don't feel the same way. yuck. bad.

To: Briana
From: Alpha Taurus
Date: Thu 4 Jan 2007 10:PM
Can so be a little bit in love, or whatever you want to call it, infatuation. and every relationship has one poor schmuck more in love than the other. usually it starts with the guy wanting more and ends with the girl wanting more.

To: Alpha Taurus
From: Briana
Date: Thu 4 Jan 2007
Yeah, the guy realizes how in over his head he is while simultaneously he has finally worn down the poor girl to where she lets her guard down at the exact moment when he is running out the door.

To: Briana
From: Alpha Taurus
Date: Thu 4 Jan 2007 10:PM
guys are going through changes. told to feel their emotions but to stay in control. remember spock on star trek.

To: Alpha Taurus
From: Briana
Date: Thu 4 Jan 2007 10:PM
I know. I know. but it sucks for us women. there is no such thing as dating. it seems to be sex flings or full fledged relationships. I don't need to be wined and dined in a 'pick me,' interview kind of way with many suitors all vying for my undying affection but a real date would be nice. I feel like I missed out on the men of my dad's generation who were men and the rules were very clear. You knew what was going on. But those men came with a whole other set of problems.

To: Briana
From: Alpha Taurus
Date: Thu 4 Jan 2007 10:PM
A lot of those guys slapped women hard across the face when they felt ike it too. Some things change for the better.

To: Alpha Taurus
From: Briana
Date: Thu 4 Jan 2007 10:22PM
I know. But the old school men took risks and asked women out. The roles were clear. Men approached women and took them to the movies. Women got dressed up and men told them how beautiful they are. Now you meet said guy at a bar with all your friends, get trashed and have sex in the bathroom. The next day both parties have no idea how they ended up there and if the other person was just drunk or might like them like them.

To: Briana
From: Alpha Taurus
Date: Thu 4 Jan 2007 10:PM
But those guys were just taking out the girl to hopefully get some sex.

To: Alpha Taurus
From: Briana
Date: Thu 4 Jan 2007 10:PM
At least the first non-sexual encounter they had with each other was sober and clear, they were on a date, there was some modicum of interest on both sides and they both knew it; their first non-sexual shared experience was not post-sex looking for her bra in the bar bathroom.

To: Briana
From: Alpha Taurus
Date: Thu 4 Jan 2007 10:34PM
Well bra finding can be fun. Maybe men and women shouldn't get to know each other. We just disappoint each other.

And that's all she wrote. Well not really. There were some other notable quotables such as him writing, "men have always had a better union. we're like the repair man who goes, yeah that's a pretty big job. we're naturally more stubborn and women more giving. that's why you're women. you have the babies. men would never put up with having babies, and then there would be no human race because men would have left the baby under a pile of dirty laundry and forgotten about it."

To which I replied, "you should see my pile of dirty laundry. that's not fair; the roles are so blurry now. hard to make it so black and white because women don't stay home and have babies and bake and wear aprons and bring your slippers to the door with a cigar when you come home. we want a warm meal when we get home from work or someone to do our laundry too. but yes, i would have a baby right now, debt, dirty laundry, dirty dishes and all. as a guy, is that the scariest thing to hear?"

To: Briana
From: Alpha Taurus
Date: Thu 4 Jan 2007 10:21PM

Second only to, "I have herpes."

I asked why, in outrage, because who is this presumptuous guy to think that just because a girl wants babies she wants to have them with this loser guy who couldn't even help her find her bra in the bathroom. I compared the baby goal to the saving money goal or the lose weight goal, totally nothing to do with that specific guy. He was non-plussed by my outrage and answered that, " guys will usually infer that you want them for babies if you mention it to them and they'll run."

No answers. Just interesting to finally get a guinea pig to answer my penetrating questions and not be shy about where he stands on how I live my life as well as how he sees this girl boy stuff as a whole. Thank you Alpha Taurus.