Kiss Me on My Neck

I wanted something light and fluffy.
I got something light and fluffy.
I wanted to have fun.
I had fun.
I wanted to feel beautiful and feminine and sexy and not sick for one night.
I got my wish. And then some.

Hopefully I will see him again and soon and be a princess again. But even one night off from being sick-Cinderella is a gift. And I am so grateful to him for that.

His name is LG. We've dated before. We reconnected yesterday and went out last night. It started over email:

LG: September 20, 2006 5:22Hey what's up??!!
Date: September 20, 2006 5:41 PM
BRIANA: don't really know where to start on that one. nothing is a lie. but how much time do you have for the truth?? ha ha
how bout you?

Date: September 20, 2006 5:42 PM
plenty of time...let's hear it.....

Suddenly he was picking me up at my house and we were going out to eat and then we were looking for a place to get some dessert and then we were debating whether to go to the movies or rent a movie and take it back to my place.
After the summer I have had, going out with a guy has been low on my priority list for many reasons. First, before the drugs and the side effects, my body was so unpredictable that I didn't want to subject myself to the questions I would get when I would suddenly have to leave or decide not to go or need to stay and the consequent lies I would tell. The concept of running out of someone's house in the middle of the night without a warning, note or explanation was a possibility as was being in so much pain and just wanting to be alone in my bed and knowing that I would never feel comfortable telling them why. Then since I've been getting treated I've been unpredictable in a different way, my mania, my rage, my irratibility, my depression about this whole thing, the crying. How do you just dump that on some first date? So I have not done it.

It wasn't like that last night. I got to be both sick and a regular girl out on a date with a super-hot, super-cool guy. He got right in there with me, talking about the steroids, the crazy summer I've had, the side effects, the xanax, the no more drinking and the wonderful world of eating. And that's not the half of it. I have gained all this weight since the last time we saw each other. As he put it, "you were marathon skinny last time I saw you," to which I paused and said, "yeah, I've gained about 15 pounds since then." I wasn't really sure where he was going with the weight comment and my weight gain isn't exactly my favorite subject but I reigned in Bianca and waited. He said, "You look so much better like this, you gained the weight in all the right places." Damn boy!

Really, he is just a special person. We have a very nurturing, comfortable connection. As I said, we've dated before. He was the impetus for me quitting my first job out of law school 5 or so years ago. He made it okay by bringing into the realm of possibility. I remember being so miserable and complaining and complaining about it to him. No one else I talked about it with got where I was yet it resonated with him. He was like, "why don't you just quit?" No one else, me included, even thought about that option. I quit and never once looked back.

I am not sure why we stopped seeing each other back then. Maybe we are both free-spirited in a way that doesn't support some normal kind of relationship or maybe it was bad timing. I do know that we always got along, I always liked him and wondered what he was up to the past 5(?) years. Strange. We'll see what happens this time. Hopefully my tenure as a princess did not end when the clock struck 8:00 this morning when he had to move his car.