Alright

Today is Yom Kippur (Hebrew yom hakippurim, "day of atonement"), the most sacred holy day in Judaism. It falls on the tenth day of the Hebrew month of Tishri. Yom Kippur is a day of confession, repentance, and prayers for forgiveness of sins committed during the year.

And today is my birthday.

I woke up this morning feeling clean and new. Like waking up to a sunny day after weeks of storm. And weeks of struggle. And weeks of trying to navigate my boat through a storm so raging that I couldn't see my finger in front of me. And today it's so beautiful and clear, I feel like I imagined all of it, like being dropped off in Emerald City after a tornado. Here I am, unscathed, unscarred, beautiful and happy and light.

I don't know how much of that has to do with either Yom Kippur or my birthday.

I think my blog on Saturday was a deep cleaning of my soul. I think the unexpected events of the recent weeks that I have had no control over have been a whirlwind turning my life upside down and inside out and helping me find myself; my inner anchor, which is all I need to get by in this life I have. As long as I have it, I will be fine.

I can't say that I didn't spend Saturday night watching the door to see if my sister would show up. I would be lying if I said that I suddenly accept the course my life has taken or that I am not scared anymore.

But days like yesterday make life worth living.

I spent the morning with my cousins and my sister. We had one of those all morning and afternoon brunches; we might as well have stayed and ordered dinner. There is nothing like family. And as the oldest in my immediate family, it is nice to have two older cousins that I feel such a bond with; it's nice to feel insulated, my brother and sister on one side of me and my two older cousins on the other, paving the way, keeping me cocooned and safe. It's a warm and cozy and cuddly feeling. A feeling that even my contrary, stubborn, independant self even needs sometimes.

Then I picked up my parents' birthday present from Tiffany's. It's a heart to wear on my heart. When did I get so corny and mushy I don't know but life has new meaning now that I am sick. I am more alive and aware than I have ever been and I wanted something from them that I would never take off and would have meaning to me. So a heart on my heart fit the bill.

I went to work to tie up some loose ends and planned on hitting a yoga class until I got a drunken phone call from AC and C. They were at Panino'teca on Smith Street. Yoga plans went out the window and I jumped on the train. They boozed it up while I had about 6 pots of peppermint tea (birthday girl's got no voice). I can still have nights like that. I can still be spontaneous and go out with people who are boozing it up and drink tea and have a blast and get just as drunk as they do without alcohol. Exhale.

Anyway, I am feeling cleansed and at peace with the world and myself right now. It's a welcome change after the storm of the past few weeks. I may even be excited for tonight. Right now I am happy to be me and happy to be alive and alright with everything. Let the games begin.